ANN ARBOR RESIDENT'S VIRTUAL FEDERATION "MUCH BETTER THAN WWE"
"I AM SO TOTALLY BETTER AT THIS THAN MCMAHON" SAYS GAMER

ANN ARBOR, Mi.- Sylvester Mirowitz, a 22 year old college dropout and call center employee, has his sights set on greater things. Mirowitz believes that his successful managing of his PS2 "Smackdown Vs. RAW" career has granted him all the skills necessary for a job on WWE's Creative team, and he dares anyone to come prove him wrong.

"Dude, I could so be a writer for WWE," Mirowitz told TWIT reporters in an interview conducted in his parent's basement. "My year-long undefeated streak as both the World and Intercontinental Champion is the stuff of legend. Oh yeah, and I'm the tag champ with Chris Benoit too. Almost forgot about that. Our tag team, The Rabid Wolverine Posse, could totally give L.O.D. and the Dudley Boys a run for their money."

Mirowitz's character, Miro-Max, is still the undefeated holder of most of RAW's titles. He is noted for his devastating execution of the F5 finisher, at least a dozen spots from off of the top turnbuckle per match (usually a flying clothesline), his flawless performance of Shawn Michaels' entrance routine (set to "Everything Falls Apart" by Breaking Benjamin), and his use of the Molly Holly "backflip" taunt as an effective escape technique. Furthermore, he is joined on the roster by an interesting cast of characters, many of Mirowitz's own design.

"I made a whole bunch of characters when I first got the game and was playing with the create-a-wrestler features," says Mirowitz, "I made characters of myself, my girlfriend [Beth Minthorn], president Bush, Mario from Super Mario Brothers, a zombie guy with claws named Weirdo Guy, Mr. Orange from Reservoir Dogs, and of course Spider Man. I haven't taken any of them through season mode yet, so they aren't that developed, but dude, seriously... Tell me you wouldn't watch RAW if friggin' Mario was wrestling a zombie freak, right?"

Mirowitz also points out that, in his version of the WWE, Rob Van Dam has obtained and held the WWE Championship on Smackdown for a considerable amount of time, Triple H always loses his matches ("I interfere and screw him every time, and the crowd totally loves it," says Mirowitz), Eddie Guererro is still alive, Bret Hart is a regular competitor for the Intercontinental Title, and John Cena "always gets booed because I set him to be a Heel". Furthermore, Miro-Max's ongoing feud with Christian was the main event for Wrestlemania, which as Mirowitz claims, "is exactly how God would have intended it."

Mirowitz's girlfriend, Beth Minthorn, has mixed feelings about her boyfriend's talent. "I guess I appreciate holding the Women's Title for as long as I did," she says, "But really, after he made me a character, I kind of lost interest in the whole thing. Still, if this game's going to give him the chance to get his dream job as a writer for WWE, I suppose I can wait a few more hours each night for him to come to bed."

Spokespersons for WWE have assured the TWIT staff that they have received Mirowitz's job application, and that it hangs in the company's break room for "entertainment purposes".

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