DISPELLING THE MYTHS ABOUT
Z. MANN ZILLA

There have been many rumors and half-truths circulated about Z. Mann Zilla, and since I know the guy quite well (I have, after all, been wearing his underwear for three decades), I decided to take a few moments to separate fact from fiction. Consider this the definitive Q&A for all things Zilla.

MYTH:
Z. Mann Zilla is a professional wrestler, and once wrestled Dave Batista at a house show in Rochester, NY. He lost the match.
TRUTH:
Z. Mann Zilla did indeed train to be a professional wrestler, under the guided tutelage of Magic The Freeeeak. However, due to a discovery of scar tissue built up in the base of Zilla's spine, and a complete lack of medical insurance, Zilla was forced to give up the training. To this day, Zilla is curious as to the Dave Batista portion of the rumor: THIS NEVER HAPPENED. Zilla has never even been to Rochester to watch a WWE event, much less squared off against The Animal.

MYTH:
Z. Mann Zilla hates dogs, almost as much as he hates dog owners.
TRUTH:
Zilla doesn't hate dogs per se, but he is scared of them. The reason is because Zilla has been bitten by dogs no less than 12 times in his entire life, and at least 3 of these bites came from dogs whose owners assured Zilla that they were gentle as lambs. Zilla has therefore decided that he must smell like something dogs consider delicious, and that he can't trust any dog with a snout longer than an inch or so (nobody's sure what the relevence is of the snout length). As for dog owners, the only dog owners Zilla has any sort of disdain for, are those who pretend that leash laws don't exist. He has summed it up in this ad, which he submitted to several free weekly papers in an attempt to make people understand why leashes are so important:

MYTH:
Z. Mann Zilla had sex with Ally Hilfiger before she turned 18. Photos of this exist on the newsgroup circuit, if you know who to ask.
TRUTH:
Zilla did NOT have sex with Tommy Hilfiger's daughter, end of story. He did spend the greater part of an evening with her in a hotel room, during the shooting of "Proud", however the two were accompanied by the Jamaican make-up department and several other people, so clearly no sex of any kind could have happened during this time. Zilla feels that it is very important to dispel this rumor, because the last person he'd ever want to piss off is Tommy "The Toe-Cutter" Hilfiger. The newsgroup addendum is a recent development, Zilla is still trying to figure out who started this one.

MYTH:
Z. Mann Zilla is a Canadian lumberjack.
TRUTH:
For starters, Zilla isn't Canadian - he's Buffalonian, which is close but not quite (Buffalonians are like Canadians who have to pay for their own healthcare). Also, Zilla isn't a lumberjack, nor has he ever been a lumberjack. Zilla has demonstrated on several occasions why you shouldn't give him an axe for any reason. This myth was most likely started by the fact that Z. Mann Zilla does indeed look quite fetching in flannel, and a number of women have been cited for their fantasies involving Zilla as the sweaty, log-handling hero of their own personal romance stories.

MYTH:
Z. Mann Zilla fights zombies for the Federal Vampire & Zombie Agency.
TRUTH:
Absolutely not; Z. Mann Zilla is a freelance zombie fighter and would never ally himself with a government agency, especially one whose high-level operatives are notorious for being suicidal alcoholics. However, he does often share information with this organization, and will admit that their vast library of zombie-fighting resources have assisted him in his own personal struggle.

MYTH:
Before becoming a freelance website designer, Z. Mann Zilla was involved in adult movies.
TRUTH:
This is true, to a certain extent - Zilla was the clerk at an adult bookstore for almost a year. However, he never appeared in any adult films, as this rumor was designed to imply.

MYTH:
Z. Mann Zilla has Borderline Personality Disorder, and harbors a second personality who thinks he's a pastor/minister/clergyman.
TRUTH:
Absolutely untrue. The "pastor" everyone keeps speculating about is Rev. Simian Sanchez, a former columnist for the now-defunct literary zine Anima Animus, who himself had Borderline Personality Disorder and believed he was Z. Mann Zilla from time to time. Ultimately, Sanchez was brought in for treatment, after an incident involving a three-month LSD bender and a botched intervention. As for Zilla, his only known mental disorders are Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Attention Deficit Disorder, and his aforementioned fear of dogs.

Heard any other outlandish rumors regarding Z. Mann Zilla? Send them to Zilla, and he'll confirm/deny/correct them on this page:
email@zmannzilla.com

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